Accentuate the good - the power of positive conversations đ
We are thrilled to share some good news with you: Feedback doesnât always have to be negative. In fact, it shouldnât always be negative. We learn and grow from positive feedback - we need it!
There is no doubt that the conversations we have can profoundly influence us, both positively and negatively. We give a great deal of time and attention to the hard stuff - having tricky discussions, giving difficult feedback or surfacing and working through conflict. There are a plethora of tools and great advice for managing these.
But with so much emphasis on the trickier discussions, we often forget about the importance of making the time to have another kind of conversation that is just as critical: those that are optimistic and affirming. When was the last time you had a positive conversation with a colleague or team beyond a casual, regular chat? Did you prepare for it, and how did that go?
Why do we need positive conversations?
Difficult conversations will often send people into âfight or flightâ mode, where our defenses come up, and we literally lose the ability to think clearly, access our emotional intelligence, or be creative. Those conversations are essential - they help solve conflicts and support individuals to learn and grow - but when theyâre the only âimportantâ conversations youâre having at work, they can start to be demotivating and stressful. On the flip side, when we have the types of conversations that value and appreciate others through our words and body language (non-verbal cues), we unlock great value. We can free up innovation, creativity, engagement and connection, and create psychological safety in the workplace.
Looking for and praising positive behaviors with intention and practice has important physical, emotional, social, and professional benefits. But just like having hard conversations requires intention and care, you also want to be deliberate and thoughtful with the positive praise and feedback you provide.
They are good for our minds and bodies:
Engaging in positive conversations can reduce stress and anxiety. During positive discussions, our bodies release feel-good hormones like oxytocin, which counteract stress hormones that induce feelings of anxiousness and stress, such as cortisol. Good conversations are also beneficial to our heads (they keep our minds sharp) and hearts (they lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of heart disease).
They are good for our relationships at home and work:
Positive conversations help build trust and strengthen bonds with others. They foster mutual respect and understanding, which are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.
They help us understand others better:
The active listening and empathy we engage in during a positive conversation helps us be more open and builds an understanding of others' perspectives and situations.
They help us feel better about ourselves:
Affirmation and positive feedback build our self-esteem, confidence, and emotional resilience to handle challenges better.
They reinforce positive behaviors and performance:
They let us know that what weâre doing is good and that we should continue to do it.
7 tips for effective positive conversations
Prepare and Personalize â
With any important conversation, it's always a good idea to take a moment to prepare and think about the person or team you'll be speaking with. Use this as your chance to show them you value them as individuals or teams, so don't rush it.
For instance, you could say, âI noticed how well you handled the communityâs request for additional information on our conservation impact last week, Jackie. Your attention to detail was impressive and made a difference in how our work was presented to our most important audience. Thank you for representing our team and values so well.â
Praise Publicly â
Praising publicly in the workplace can have numerous positive effects on team dynamics, morale, and productivity. When recognition is given openly and publicly, it not only boosts the morale of the individual receiving praise but also sets a positive example for others, fostering a culture of appreciation and recognition within the organization.
In a group or departmental team meeting, seek to recognize an outstanding individual (or team): "I want to commend Bariki for his exceptional leadership in spearheading our community engagement efforts for the forest restoration project. His dedication to building strong partnerships with local communities has been instrumental in gaining their support and participation in our conservation work. Bariki, your contributions are truly invaluable, and I applaud you for your outstanding work.â
Incorporate Specific Examples â
Use specific examples to highlight positive behaviors or achievements, rather than blanket praise or generic feedback. Being specific and spotlighting what youâre particularly impressed with reinforces the positive action and makes your praise more genuine while also helping the person learn from this feedback and grow.
Here is an example: âYour efforts in cleaning up the fisheries data and ensuring its correctness and consistency have been a game changer for our team. Just last week, we used this data in a presentation to a potential funder, and they told us that having this clear data has helped them better understand our work and impact. Thank you.â
Express Genuine Enthusiasm and Real Interest â
Be curious! Positive conservations require us to be open to different viewpoints and focus on understanding others. So take an interest in the other personâs life, experiences, and opinions. Show genuine enthusiasm and energy during the conversation. Your positive energy can be contagious and uplifting.
Try something like this: "Today was excellent! Your innovative approach to the conservation education project was impressive. I appreciated how you continue to include new ideas that differ from our usual methods. It inspires me, and Iâm curious about how your past experiences shape how you approach work."
Ask Open-Ended/Generative Questions and Encourage Learning â
Encourage further dialogue and learning by asking open-ended questions that allow the other person to share their thought process, ideas and feelings. When we ask open-ended and thought-provoking questions, we can encourage deeper thinking, more meaningful responses, and better understanding. These can include probing questions like âCould you tell me more about thatâ or âHow did that make you feel?â
An example: âWhat inspired you to take that approach in your proposal for the new recycling program? Iâd love to hear more about your thought process and how it can inspire us across the team.â
Follow Up with Action â
Follow up with actions or support to show that youâre invested in the conversation. This demonstrates that you value the discussion and are committed to moving it forward.
An example: âThank you for sharing your insights on sustainable farming practices during our discussion with the team today. Your suggestions align well with our conservation goals. To advance this discussion, I'll arrange a meeting with our agricultural partners next week to explore how we can integrate your recommendations into their practices.â
Ask for Feedback - Seek to Improve â
A great way to improve how you hold conversations, whether positive or otherwise, is to ask for feedback on your communication style. You could ask your direct reports, manager, or even your peers at work for feedback. We can all build our practice as great conversationalists by reflecting on the areas we need to work on.
A note on the value of appreciation and gratitude đ
The most important recommendation for this Reader is the value of sharing genuine appreciation with the people we are talking to. This involves expressing sincere recognition and gratitude for a quality or attribute they possess and bring to others. Nancy Kline (see below) emphasizes that we should give five times more appreciation than criticism to create the best environment for thinking. A simple âthank youâ is powerful and goes a long way. We should use it much more in our work and personal lives.
Embrace receiving positive feedback âď¸
People tend to shy away from positive feedback or praise. We brush it off quickly, saying things like, âOh, that was nothing,â or âIt could have been better,â etc. When someone is giving you positive feedback, allow yourself to listen, absorb it, learn from it, and grow from it. The best response you can give to positive feedback is simply, âThank you.â
Here are some additional useful tools and resources to help you have better positive conversations:
The Thinking Environment: Researcher and author Nancy Klineâs work on Creating a Thinking Environment rests on the premise that âThe quality of everything we do depends on the quality of the thinking we do first". The Ten Components of a Thinking Environment are an excellent framework for creative thinking and positive conversations.
SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) model: The SBI model is a powerful tool for delivering feedback with clarity, specificity, and impact. It provides a structured framework for having conversations and offering feedback that is both constructive and actionable.
Nonviolent communication (NVC): NVC is a transformative approach to communication-based on compassion, empathy, and understanding. It offers a profound perspective on navigating the complexities of interpersonal dynamics within teams.
Appreciative Inquiry: AI is a way of looking at organizational change which focuses on identifying and doing more of what is already working, rather than looking for problems and trying to fix them. AI encourages us to adopt a positive mindset, to seek out past strengths and successes, and to use these elements as levers to create a better future.
And one last great inspiration for positive conversations. Celeste Headlee: 10 ways to have a better conversation | TED Talk