Mastering the art of difficult conversations: essential tips for conflict resolution
For many, conflict at the workplace (or anywhere else in life, really), is often a negative and scary experience. It's something we are wary of, even though we know that conflict is unavoidable. Our partners often reach out to us seeking advice on how to resolve conflict and hold difficult conversations - it could be within their own teams, or with partners, donors, or other stakeholders. At Maliasili, we also face various types of conflicts, which require difficult conversations internally amongst team members or with partners, funders, or others.
In this Reader, which follows our conversation on emotional intelligence at the workplace from last month's edition, our Deputy Director of People and Culture, James Kiogora, and our Chief Portfolio Officer, Karine Nuulimba, share useful insights on how they regularly manage conflict and reach resolution.
Types of Workplace Conflicts
Conflict can manifest in various forms in the workplace, each with its own implications and potential for resolution.
Strategic conflicts →
Strategic conflicts arise from differing opinions on major workplace issues, such as varying approaches to implementing new programs or initiatives. For example, while some may advocate for starting a new program or expanding in a new geographic area, others may hold contrasting views, leading to polarizing discussions and conflicting priorities.
Behavioral conflicts →
These often stem from attitudes that conflict with organizational culture, creating tension and discord within teams. For example, when it comes to work ethic, different levels of commitment, punctuality, or professionalism can cause conflicts within teams. If left unaddressed, these can hinder collaboration and productivity.
Relational conflicts →
These emerge from interpersonal dynamics and how individuals relate to each other, which can be influenced by factors such as cultural differences or personality clashes. Certain personality types may inadvertently provoke reactions in others, leading to friction and misunderstandings. However, fostering self-awareness among team members can help mitigate these conflicts by encouraging individuals to recognize and address their triggers.
Conflicts can be good…
Despite the challenges they pose, conflicts in the workplace are not inherently negative. In fact, strategic conflicts can spark generative conversations that create valuable insights and innovative ideas. Relational conflicts can make people more self-aware, inclusive, and thoughtful. By encouraging open dialogue and constructive debate, teams can leverage conflict as a catalyst for growth and creativity.
Successfully navigating conflicts can strengthen relationships and foster trust among team members. When colleagues work through conflicts collaboratively and recognize the resilience of their relationships, they emerge with a deeper understanding and appreciation for each other. By embracing conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning, organizations can cultivate a culture of transparency, resilience, and mutual respect.
What are some examples of difficult conversations?
A difficult conversation usually touches on sensitive matters, where both parties feel uneasy, and are uncertain about the outcome. Within an organization, these conversations tend to include performance evaluations, grievances, interpersonal conflicts, issues with supervisors and their direct reports, or discussions surrounding the continuity of employment, such as decisions about extending probation periods or terminating employment contracts.
Beyond the organization, these could include challenges with strategic partners (for example, raising an issue around acknowledgements for a collaborative effort or a dispute around funding expectations), or financial concerns with donors and more.
These are hard conversations to have. Thankfully, these tried-and-tested methods and processes provide a useful guide for anyone navigating a challenging conversation, often without which it’s impossible to resolve conflicts.
A step-by-step guide
Prepare →
Ahead of the meeting, the following steps will ensure that you and the other person (or people) involved in the conflict arrive in the right and positive mindset to have a productive conversation.
Firstly, acknowledge the conflict: The first step in addressing conflict is acknowledging it exists. Avoiding or ignoring the issue only allows it to escalate further. Instead, confront the conflict head-on with an open mind and a willingness to find a resolution.
Take time to understand the cause of the issue: To effectively resolve conflict, you must understand what’s causing it. Dig deeper beyond the surface of the issues and uncover the root problem. This may require active listening and empathetic responses to gain insight into each party's perspective. Define the problem clearly and collect as much information as possible about it.
Pressure test your biases and assumptions: You want to ensure that you look at the issue objectively. Remember, we all have biases.
Timing is important: Don’t delay dealing with the issue. However, also give the people involved a bit of notice to prepare ahead of the conversation. You want to create a space where you will have a productive conversation, so make sure the other party is comfortable and in the right frame of mind.
Understand the personalities of the people involved: Different people react differently under pressure and in difficult situations, so it’s always important to factor in how the different personalities react during the conversations. Some need more time to process difficult issues internally before talking about them. When preparing to address a difficult issue with someone who is conflict-averse or an ‘internal processor’, don’t land a difficult topic on them without warning. Give them a heads up of what you want to discuss and time to think. You might have the conversation in several stages to give them that thinking space.
Consider if you need support: Some conversations may be difficult for just one person to facilitate. If this is the case, ask a trusted colleague or supervisor to come in and provide support during the conversations.
However, always be mindful of the potential feeling of “ganging up.” Don’t bring someone who will only defend your point and make the other person feel more uncomfortable. Be thoughtful about who you would have join you and the role you want them to play.
Define what success looks like: This depends on the nature of the conversation or conflict. If it’s not a complicated issue, you should aim to leave with a resolution. If the issues need more discussion, then plan these out, and have a desired outcome after every conversation to move things forward.
Enter with the right mindset: Approach the conversation with a peaceful and open-minded mindset. Avoid engaging in discussions when feeling angry or frustrated.
Hold the conversation →
Maintain objectivity: Ensure the conversation begins with an objective tone, emphasizing that it's about the issues, not personal attacks. Focus on behaviors, performance, or conduct rather than targeting an individual. Try to manage your emotions as the person holding the conversation.
Demonstrate compassion and empathy: Actively listen, especially when addressing grievances, to understand perspectives fully.
Create a calm and comfortable environment to encourage open dialogue. Recognize the impact of emotions that arise during moments like these, and allow for flexibility and breaks if needed to maintain composure.
Avoid being judgmental or accusatory. Instead, set clear boundaries to maintain respect and civility. Address any deviation from these boundaries firmly to keep the conversation productive.
Keep the discussion on track, but be adaptable to the room's dynamics. If tensions rise, employ creative techniques to de-escalate without losing focus. Listen very carefully and really try to hear even the ‘unsaid’. For example, what is body language? What is the mood in the room?
In group settings, embrace diverging views as opportunities for innovation. Guide the conversation towards constructive solutions, encouraging collaboration and shared responsibility.
Always consider the bigger picture and the overarching goals of the discussion. Use inclusive language, such as "How can we solve this?" to foster a cooperative atmosphere and encourage collective problem-solving.
Set boundaries: Respect and civility must be maintained. As the person leading the discussion, don’t be afraid to be firm and call out bad behavior or deviations from the topic.
Remember, forgiveness and assuming best intentions are crucial for resolving conflict and preventing further stress or tension.